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Listed in category:   Everything Else > Gifts & Occasions > Party Supplies > All Occasion Supplies > Other
 Bill! No Reserve Item number: 4170571521
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Current bid: US $14.99
Time left: 6 days 23 hours
7-day listing
Ends May-31-04 17:31:14 PDT

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Start time: May-24-04 17:31:14 PDT
History: 1 bid   (US $14.99 starting bid)
High bidder: mev12 ( 2 )
Item location: Los Angeles, Ca.
United States /Los Angeles
Ships to: Local pickup only (no shipping)
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dariushd ( 208Feedback score is 100 to 499)
 Feedback Score: 208
Positive Feedback: 99.5%
Member since Nov-09-99 in United States
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I'm being sued, and I need to conjure up a legal fun for myself, so I am liquidating everything I can!!  So if you've ever wanted to have Bill, here's your chance, don't pass this up!!

What you get:  One BillUsed for about 31 years, but in good condition.  He occasionally wheezes, but only after smoking a clove cigarette, which I tell him are as bad as smoking a tree branch soaked in light fluid, but he won't listen.  He's good around the house, though I would recommend also buying "stick" to poke him into doing things.  He's good in an artistic pinch, when you need some ideas to bounce around or for web design, but Bill is generally best when you need to do something and you require a tremendous amount of fun doing it.  Have him come along!  That's right!  If you bid and win Bill, he'll come along and provide you with hours of fun!  F*ck me that's right!

Watch him be incredulous as you do stupid things in front of him.  Goad him into doing stupid things in front of you.  Hell, that's why I carry matches and karosene with me at all times, the fun is gi-normous!

Bill does require maintenance, a sprinkle of fish food in the morning and a slice of pizza with the occasional Cadbury chocolate and a dish of water should keep Bill going strong.  You will however, need to have a PC, as Bill will need internet access to keep him non-violent.

There have only been a few outbreaks of violence from Bill, but most usually they are internally directed and highly entertaining to watch.  But in any event, no harm will come to you, should you bid and win on Bill.

One word of warning, though most cats are compatible with Bill, frequent nasal spraying and allergy pills are required, however, Bill does not seem to fair very well with aquariums, as they seem to suddenly break for no reason when he's been around.  And he seems to shed his long lustrous hair more than any mammal I've met.  Excepting for me, of course.  And two other side effects of Bill, although rare, have been known to happen when he shows up at your door: suddenly losing your job, and getting sued.


  1. About 6', and lanky for hard to reach places; pliable
  2. No visible lesions or marks of any kind
  3. Mostly non-violent
  4. Good on long car trips and at gambling tables
  5. Comes with accessories like clothes, guitar and plenty of hoopla.
  6. Fully ambulatory
  7. Has own driver's license for trips to PF Chang's
  8. Makes funny noise when scratching his nose with his knuckles
  9. His self-loathing makes him fun at Tool concerts
  10. Likes to eat pizza and Indian food
  11. Self-sustaining, or used in a large group, Bill's fun for everyone!
  12. Bill is not intended for kids
  13. Occasional inflation necessary

As I said, this is for my legal fund to escape from under the thumb of a lawsuit, so it's for a good cause.  I hate to part with Bill, but c'est la vie.  (That's French for "f**k, I'm being sued!").

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Will arrange for local pickup only (no shipping).
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 Bill! No Reserve
Current Bid: US $14.99
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