Teen Smokin On the Rise

>Wednesday May 27 6:52 AM EDT

>Cigarette tax will curb teen smoking

>WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Proposed legislation that would
>raise cigarette prices by $1.10 a pack over five years will reduce
>teen-age smoking rates by 27 percent, economists predicted
>Tuesday. "A 10 percent increase in the price of a pack of cigarettes
>will result in a 5 percent reduction in teen smoking," Evans said in
>a statement. "The evidence is overwhelming -- higher taxes reduce
>teen smoking."

Evans' report went on to highlight the tendency of these teen smokers to turn to less expensive vices, such as crack, heroin, and sex. "Sure we'll see a higher occurrence of teen pregnancy and overdosing, but at least they won't ruin their lives with smoke." "Luckily, the youth of our society will indeed have something to fall back on," stated the National Organization of Women.

The statistics showed a projected an increase in teen prostitution as well. As the cost of cigarettes go beyond what may be affordable for young teens, many of them will turn to whoring. President Clinton, when asked about this statistic stated, "great, more pussy for me!" When told that a higher percentage of these new young prostitutes will be male teens, Clinton remarked, "oh, I didn't really think about it THAT way." He immediately called his physician and refilled his prescription of Viagra and tucked in his shirt.

Mayor Guiliani of NYC, at a press conference earlier today, stated, "eh, oh!" He then lit up a Camel Unfiltered and immediately put it out in the middle of his son's forehead. "Eh, oh," he again chanted as he ripped off his pants and began to bugger the speaking podium. He was quickly removed from the stage and replaced with Chinese acrobats.

Dan Rather, present at the conference on behalf of ABC News, was quoted as saying, "damn those little guys are flexible. I wonder if that one guy could suck his own dick." He was seen ducking out of the green room into an unmarked limo with a little Chinese man. Newt Gingrich at a recent GOP for Unwed Mothers meeting announced to the group, "there ain't nuthin' better than a 14 year old boy taking it in the ass for a Marlboro Light."

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