Reebok Announces New Line of Attire
> PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP) --
> The communist Khmer Rouge
> guerrillas who terrorized Cambodia
> for more than two decades wore
> clunky sandals made from scraps of
> old car tires.
> Now, the sturdy black flip flops have
> become the rage among the growing
> number of well-to-do teen-agers in
> some of the capital's high schools.
> The "new style Pol Pot" shoes, as they are known, are
> hot "because of
> their good quality" said Toan Mekara, 19, while waiting
> for his
> custom-made shoes.
Senior Vice President of Reebok Arnold Snod has picked up the the
new line of merchandise and plans on releasing later this year a full
line of Pol Pot accessories. First to be released in the US will be the
Air Pol Pot basketball shoes and line of basketball attire made of
scraps of burlap, wicker, and US Army uniforms ripped off of POWs and
MIAs still clawing their way through the Cambodian jungles.
Mr. Snod at a recent press conference announced the "bullet ridden
and bloody clothes of the Cambodian war dead scraped out of the killing
fields would be quality tested and should fetch a great price [in the US
market.]" Furthermore, "since we've employed most of the Cambodian
young in our sweat shops, we'll just kill them ala Pol Pot too and take
their stuff to make this new line of attire."
The new line of accessories will be on the US markets next year and
will be aimed at the teen to early 30s demographic with the tag line,
"For the motherfucker on the go," and "Size Does Matter."
When asked about the human rights implications, Reebok attorneys
fired back, "fuck, they're Cambodians. I didn't see nuthin in the
constitution about Cambodians."
Agatha Mangalore of Amnesty International was livid at the news. "I
can't for an instant believe that Reebok would kill these poor people
without any kind of compensation."
Reebok went on to announce their new fragrance, "PP-1." "It was
inspired by the genius of the man who was Pol Pot," says Fragrance
Supervisor Emilio Pescatornioestevez, "it will wreak of human sweat and
gangrenous extremities made popular by Pol Pot's regime."
Calvin Klein, sporting a new pair of CK Pol Pot Dungarees, announced
a lawsuit against PP-1 for trademark infringement on their CK-1 line of
fragrances. "We at CK came up with human sweat first," and challenged
the Reebok "bitches" to "suck [his] motherfucking ass."
Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer announced plans to begin production on a
special Pol Pot Viagra, "for those who just feel up to killing millions
of their own people." The drug will boost the maniacal aspirations of
those who "can't quite get a hard-on for massacring their people." "We
feel," says an unidentified Pfizer source, "that there is quite a niche
in this market that needs to be filled. Quaddaffi has already expressed
quite an interest in the pill once we have the formula."
Among others expressing an interest in Pol Potiagra was Special
Investigator Kenneth Starr. "Once I'm done with Clinton," rambled Starr
after a isopropyl and pop tart bender, "I'm gonna get everyone of you
motherfuckers." He then pulled down his pants and showed this reporter
his Pol Pot burlap boxer briefs. "Pol, that's one righteous
motherfucker." He then promptly fell over into a pool of his own
strawberry and flaky crust vomit.
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