Egyptian Wedding Accident

> Groom Shot Dead, Bride Wounded in Egypt
> Wedding Accident
> Reuters
> 20-JUL-98
> CAIRO, July 20 (Reuters)- The groom was shot dead and
> the bride
> wounded at an Egyptian wedding party when a man shooting
> in the air to
> celebrate the occasion misfired, security sources said
> on Monday.
> They said the 25-year-old groom was killed by stray
> bullets from the
> gun of one of three men firing into the air to celebrate
> the Sunday
> wedding. The three were arrested.

Khaleem Khalagnakhsokhekhi, Khollum
Khalagnaralagnadpalagnarderkhalagnarpeeshalagnakh, and Mohammed Ali (no
relation) were taken to Cairo Detention and Execution Center with some
cous cous and six of Rolling Rock.
"We are terribly upset by the terrible incident at hand. These
three men are implicated in shooting and killing the groom Alhahleehd
Moustaphahaha and wounding the bride Jezebel Slutwhore. We must get to
the bottom of this soon," says Chief Ali Baba Schwarma of the Cairo
Police, noting that the cous cous was rather fresh that day.
The first man arrested, Khalagnakhsokhekhi, "was visibly shaken when
he saw the groom fall to the ground right before he was to wed the woman
[Khalagnakhsokhekhi] loved." "I was mortified, I couldn't believe my
eyes. On such a joyous day. My heart cries out to Allah," said
Khalagnaralagnadpalagnarderkhalagnarpeeshalagnakh, the second man to
be questioned, mentioned that he was "distraught and utterly dismayed
that one of [his] bullets could have come back down to kill
[Moustaphahaha]," that "it was a horrid tragedy that [he] will never
Ali, at his questioning, offered this to the police: "I was shooting
into the air, when I suddenly noticed Alhahleehd fall to the ground just
when he was to profess his undying love to the woman I have been in love
with for so many years." He went on to admit, "I could not believe my
eyes, even though they were pinned on him intently watching his every
move, his every motion toward my beloved Jezebel." He added, "I am
pretty sure I was shooting into the air, I was busy watching this maggot
of a man marry my one and only love, the one woman I would most
assuredly kill for." Ali then became violently angry and began throwing
cous cous about the police station.

Later on in the night and after rigorous examination,
Khalagnakhsokhekhi broke down and admitted that his gun "may have
misfired, sending [his] bullet off on a slightly lower angle [toward]
Moustaphahaha," but that that was a very distant possibility, one in a
billion chance. "It was a well maintained gun," he explained, "but a
recent dust storm may have jammed the cylinder, but I'm sure I checked
it before." After massive beatings at the hands of guards, however,
Khalagnakhsokhekhi admitted that he "wasn't precisely sure" if his
revolver was not "jammed in the slightest" and was willing to "take the
responsibility" for the shooting if it meant the "end to the horrible
pain" being dealt him by the rubber hose and anal invasive ferret
wielding guards.
Khalagnaralagnadpalagnarderkhalagnarpeeshalagnakh, however, offered
a different story at the end of his 18 hour scalding oil bath. "I did
it! I did it! Please, for the love of Allah, kill me, let me die,
please, no more, I am a simple man of God, please the pain is
unbearable, please stop burning my skin off with boiling oil, oh God!"
The guards, desirous of a better confession, released a small horde of
hungry gerbils into Khalagnaralagnadpalagnarderkhalagnarpeeshalagnakh's
rectum, provoking his untimely death.
Ali, last to be questioned, mentioned in his statement, "yes, I
loved her, and yes I hated him, I can't even think of a day in this
world that I wouldn't want that man dead for taking my woman from me,
but I'm pretty sure I fired into the air."
Satisfied, Egyptian authorities kept Khalagnakhsokhekhi based on his
confession in custody, ate
Khalagnaralagnadpalagnarderkhalagnarpeeshalagnakh and cous cous for a
late supper in the courtyard and released Ali on "lack of evidence."
Ali was last seen tip toeing to Jezebel Slutwhore's hospital room
carrying a knife and a bowl of cous cous.

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