Lewinski's Dress Stain Becomes TV Spot

> Lewinsky's dress stain becomes TV spot
>
> Detergent ad spoofs Clinton
> relationship
>
> August 17, 1998
> Web posted at: 4:01 p.m. EDT (1601 GMT)
>
> TEL AVIV, Israel (CNN) -- As
> President Clinton comes clean in
> his grand jury testimony about
> Monica Lewinsky, their
> relationship is being lampooned in
> an Israeli television commercial
> -- for laundry detergent.
>
> The Lever Israel company uses Lewinsky's stained dress
> -- which has
> been examined to determine if the stain contains
> genetic material --
> to suggest that its Biomat detergent can deal with
> even the most
> stubborn stains.

Lever Israel spokesman Sidney Sudski maintained that the company
"will go farther in [their] advertising practices to reach the widest
possible consumer market." Answering allegations from American
detractors of the ad, Sudski says that the ad is "utterly legitimate"
and has been tested fully.
"We had people of all sorts come into our lab and ejaculate all over
our testers wearing similar dresses as Lewinski's so that we could put
this ad out on the television in all good conscience."
The testers, made up of Palestinian protesters, are also a part of a
new government rehabilitation effort to "clean up our streets."
According to Poppy Bagell of the Israeli Domestic Peace Initiative,
"domestic unrest along the Arab fringe has declined considerably,
Palestinian unrest has leveled off, and overall quality of life has
increased. We feel the Initiative has rehabilitated alot of the
Palestinian insurgents into fitting in better. Once they leave the
forced volunteering program, the fucking towel heads feel a much prouder
sense of community and are less likely to dick around with us again."
The Initiative, started by last year under direction of Sy Sperling
and Gefilta Fische, not only aims at rehabilitating troubled Palestinian
youths, but also at serving the community by "giving back a little
something. Our biggest market for this new found man power is product
testing," mentioned Fische. "We started small, with testing cosmetics,
and now we've moved up to dress ejaculations and flame retardance."
Fische continued, "I fully support Sudski's ad campaign and have
documentation of the proven effect of the detergent on semen stains. We
even took the testing a bit further and decided to test for other bodily
fluids. While the detergent was spectacular at removing blood and
such," Fische added with a chuckle, "it didn't do a whole lot for the
bullet holes we encountered during the testing, though."
During these tests, Palestinian protesters are often shuffled around
the Product Testing Compound, from one building to another, going
through numerous "consumer safety tests" before they are released again
into the general population.
"Some of our 'volunteers' go through our program very quickly before
being released back into their hometowns. Some, however, spend a lot of
time testing out our rubber bullets and new police batons. As a matter
of fact, we've discovered a brand new polymer in our police batons that
hurt like a motherfucker, but allows the subject to retain full
consciousness during the unpleasantness," said Manachaim Manachaim,
coordinator of the testing facility, "and we have the facility and Cous
Cous Shaharazahd to thank for it."
"And Cous Cous is doing very well now. After a short time in the
fabric combustion testing chamber, he was released back into his group
of friends Jerusalem. They're back to normal, calling him their
friendly Arab nicknames like Burnie and Contusion Boy, so he's really
enjoying life after his stay here. He's not as fast as he was before,
and he'll have a lot of trouble spray painting dirty Arab letters on our
buildings with his baton mangled hands, but he's doing great. We're
really proud of what we've given back to our community," summed up
Manachaim.

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