The Ex-Files


Angelina and I met up at this years UNHCP conference. As you know, the UNHCP, The United Nations Helping Cramped Peeing, asked me to guest lecture on painful urination, based on my web site.  I was surprised to hear from Butros-Butros Galli, but I thought what the hell.  So I went up there and starting giving them my best Robert DeNiro and Al Franken impersonation, trying to liven up the crowd a bit, and they got all stuanchy on me and wanted to hear what sort of inroads I had made in urology, and what I thought would help people pee better.  I'm all "bitches, I got a prostate the size of John Denver and a urethra caked with rocky road, so I figure the wider your urethra and the more pleasant the conversation while you pee, the happier you'll be."

So the fuckers in the audience, all these uptight doctors starting complaining that I was no real doctor, which I ain't cause hey I'm a lover, not a doctor, and they started throwing empty specimen cups up at me on stage.  I was all livid, but then all of a sudden Angelina Jolie jumps up and starts deflecting the cups, something she's picked up with Billy Bob I guess.

So after we toweled off a bit from the not so quite empty cups, we run out the back to the Dairy Queen right next to the UN and shared a lemon Snow Cone.