The Ex-Files


Edie, Lorraine, and me after the Golden Globes about 2 years ago.  Anyone named Falco is nasty sexy in my book, so I sauntered over to her, all swarthy and shit and was like, "baby, wassup?!?"  And she was all, "just chillin, you know," and I'm all, "shiyeet, I know, I'm so chillin' they call me Frigidaire, baby!"  So she was all laughin' and shit, so I slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her to me and I was all, "how 'bout I show you my golden globes," and she was all, "yeah, Frigidaire," and we got nasty busy in the limo, like hold all my calls nasty busy, like need shots in the morning kinda nasty busy.  Lorraine was all tryin' to get into this picture, she was feeling all out of the "cool club," you know.  Hey, it's all good, I wouldn't chuck her out of my crib for drinking milk, you know?

Soon after, Edie was all taking me here and there, and I was all gettin; tired of it, but this one night she was all, "please take me to the Emmy show," so I was all, "ayit beyotch, I'll throw you a nicety," so I took her and we presented the award for the Best Big Booty Bitch on TV, and Edie was all grateful an shit just to present.  But our relationship was all about the booty call, and I was gettin tired of eating the same cereal for breakfast, you know, so I'm all, "I'm making like a tree and boltin'" and she was all, stay one more night and I'll get you on the Sopranos, and I was all, "ayit, one more night with Frigidaire, better make it count," and we got like mad crazy hornet's nest kinda busy wit da buzzin' n' stingin' n' shit.

So the next day, I got on The Sopranos in this scene in their basement when she's confronting Tony about his involvement with the mob and how she feels embroiled in a paradox in her life.  And I was all, "shit girl, you tell him," and "that's right Tony, yo' bitch is keepin' ree-el."

After the scene we kissed at the craft services table and split.  Edie was a good one, but I was definitely out to play the field.  All that stopped when I met up with Gwyn, but that's another story.