The Ex-Files


I met Vish at a burger joint on Sunset.  It was about 4 in the am, and I was mad off my ass wasted after this nasty lesbian filled party downtown Hollywood.  I was about to get this double cheeseburger with extra beef from the most mistreated cow they could find, and this hottie floats down from this cloud that sort of smelled like Chicken Tikka, and put on of her hands on my shoulder and said, "Koosh, Kooooosh, I do not know that you really want to eat that, why don't you try Pork?"  And I was all, "Uhm, you're kind of a cutie, but I don't eat the pig, dig?"  And she was pretty cool about it, but offered me this great Chicken Tikka instead, and I was all over it!  Man she cooks good!  And all those arms makes for some great Action Jackson!!

Vish took me to meet her folks up in Valhalla or some shit the mornig after we met.  They tried to get me to take a dunk in the Ganges and I didn't have my Lever 2000 with me, so I think I offended them, so they didn't like me so much.  I also met her friend Ganesh, and I was all, "Damn she's got some Elephant Man shit goin' on."  Some freaky people up in Valhalla, man, freaky!  So I'm hung over and all freaked out, everybody's got at least 4 arms and I'm all feeling like the little retarded kid in the corner of the classroom with his pants down, you know, so I didn't make such a good impression on her folks or her friends, so she broke it off with me pretty quick.  I was kinda upset, but hey, whatcha gonna do, right?  if only I could have gotten an extra pair of arms on that Gwyn.  Man, love's rough.